i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
