so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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