she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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