Is it because I queefed?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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