If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He? As in you personified your dick?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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