I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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