moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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