My girlfriend figured out who you are.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
