K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
