At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
