Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
