I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
