tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
