I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
