Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
