the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize