I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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