My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
