Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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