And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
