just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
