after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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