Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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