Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
