Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
