You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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