My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
