By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize