i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize