textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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