There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
