U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
