walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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