you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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