thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
