so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
where does the pee come out of this thing
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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