Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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