His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
