sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
