ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize