I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
