no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
