They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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