One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
