how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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