Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
