Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."

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(513): View more from Ohio

i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.

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(440): View more from Ohio

My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university

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(810): View more from Michigan

She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.

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(310): View more from California

If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.

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(806): View more from Texas

sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat

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(404): View more from Georgia

Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!

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