Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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