he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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