That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
