Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
