There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
