Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
