This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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