don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
