dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
