...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
