my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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