if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
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