it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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