my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
