She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
be right there i have to get my cape
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
