Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
