we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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