omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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