u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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