I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
