I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
