haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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