how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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