just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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