Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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