i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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