Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize