ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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